It’s 2020 – a new year of perfect vision. It’s a new day with so much possibility – Carpe Diem! It’s a new me and you – we’re feeling inspired and ready to get after it. This year is our year!
The quiet darkness of the new year encourages us to be quiet, to examine the past and prepare for the future. It’s a time of withdrawal and incubation. The start of the new year is an opportunity to regain power over the momentum off-track habits. It’s time to vocalize what we want for the coming year and how we will achieve it. It’s time to set intentions and plan for all of the wonderful stuff we’d like to see and do. 2020 – this is our year!
That all sounds so great until about mid-February when most of us fall off the inspiration wagon. And the word discipline makes us pull the sheets higher overhead. Toward the end of January the gym crowd has thinned out and the seats at the bar of full again. Holiday clutter is shoved back in closets, and we feel the guilt and shame of New Year’s resolutions already starting to fail.
You can’t help but wonder, why do we keep setting ourselves up for such epic failing with these unrealized resolutions? We know repeated failure is a blow to our motivation and self-confidence.
Now of course, some of you do manage to make significant changes, but I suspect you were already in motion on those goals, and you probably did a whole bunch of other things right to make those new habits stick. You, my friend, are a New Year Resolution Outlier. Most of us are in some stage of contemplation about the changes we want to make. “I really want x,y,z this year but…” fill in the blank on why it’s going to be hard to execute this goal for more than 30 days let alone 6 months from now! Or maybe it goes like this: “I am going to get healthy and rich this year?” How? “By just setting my mind to it.” Good luck. Epic fails on the horizon.
It’s true there’s definitely something special about this time of year that makes us want to recommit to ourselves, but I confess, I get a kick out of all the articles leading up to January 1st that are so – “Manifest your greatness! Turn your dreams into reality!” Followed by all the articles a week after about why your resolution will fail. Have you noticed that? The “You can do it”, followed by haha!, “You’re gonna fail!” That’s some twisted cosmic humor.
So this is going to sound radical, but I’ll say it anyway… To overcome the epic fail of New Year’s Resolutions I propose we stop with New Year’s resolutions entirely! Let’s stop setting ourselves up to fail when the honest truth is, we simply don’t have the motivation or skills we need to make the kinds of monumental changes we talk about.
That being said, I do want to capture the natural magic in the darkest time of the year when all of nature is gathering up its energy for the birth of beautiful things in the spring. This is definitely a special time of the year so let’s make better use of it. Instead of asking, “What is my new year resolution?” I propose we ask ourselves a different question. A slight variation in our reflective practice that will actually help us harness the inspirational start of the new year to create positive change in our lives.
What makes this new New Year’s resolution great is that it’s just a question. That’s it. Just a question. It’s a question we don’t need an immediate answer to, and we certainly don’t need to worry about a right answer. Even more important we don’t have to take concrete steps towards putting it into action. This is a no-pressure-can’t-fail resolution! Just asking the question will connect our energy and intention with the winter spirit and when our spring rolls around we will be ready. So let’s do this!
Repeat with me: I am no longer setting New Year’s Resolutions. Instead I am focusing on one question. I free myself from needing an answer, just asking is good enough. My intent with this question is self-discovery and self-empowerment. This question will bring me closer to my purpose. The action of asking is all that is required of me. The question is: what do I want to give the world?
What do I want to give the world?
What do I want to give the world?
What do I want to give the world?
This is a powerhouse question because it speaks to our heart. It makes us think about what’s important, what we see ourselves doing and why that matters. This question functions at a deep level in the mind so it packs more emotional punch than “What are my goals for the new year?” or “What do I want in the new year?” It focuses in on our sense of purpose, and that’s vital to our wellbeing. It makes us think about what we value and how we might put our values in action. It takes us out of a self-directed frame of reference and reminds us to think about why we are here.
Asking this question focuses us beyond ourselves, toward others and the world around us. Altruism feels good. It gives a yummy dose of oxytocin – the feel-good hormone, a natural high – which is obviously more enjoyable than the shame and frustration of failure. Asking this question and discovering the answer feels exciting and motivating. Again, don’t be hard on yourself if you don’t have an answer and don’t worry about trying to take action. Just ask the question! Who cares if it takes until next January 1st 2021 to get a clear answer? Remember this is a no-pressure-can’t-fail resolution. If you ask, the answer will eventually come. And then you have your compass. With compass in hand we can find the way regardless of how off-track we may be.
So this is our year! We can do it! We can ask a single question of ourselves…
What do we want to give the world?
